Your mother's got her medicine, but she's still got her temper
and neither mix well with vodka.
Her beatings are extra vicious if you remind her of your existence
so you been quiet since you were a toddler.
She likes to remind you, even though it's not true,
of how you drove your dad away;
How he could never love you, how no one could ever love you,
how you're her worst mistake.
taunts you with its happiness.
On the day that you turned twelve, the store would finally sell
you your own box of matches.
The flames would singe your arms, new blisters on old scars
and you didn't even screw your face.
The pain shot through your blood, still you'd do it again because
it's like some sort of escape.
On the day you turned thirteen, the kids were being so mean
you just closed your eyes and ran away.
You cut through the park, went down the thistle path
to the shorelines of the boat lake.
You were born in late november, so the water when you got there
was colder than an old grave
But the same way the matches left your mind distracted,
the water numbed the pain.
You went in to your waist and thought about being famous,
it was surely gonna come;
The teams of reporters filming across the waters,
The pondweed round your legs, the heaviness of your dress
starts to pull you under.
With the water to your head you took your final breath
and thought about your mother;
You wished someone would love her;
You wish she could have loved you.