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Tuesday, 30 November 2010

The Scars of Christ

She says, "what's wrong with dying young and gloriously?"
he says, "it just wastes time that you could have spent with me"
and takes another big swig of his 6.5 from a can
She says, "i wanna make some noise when i go out"
he says, "who's gonna hear about it anyhow"
and as he says it this girl lets her fingertips slip from his hand

She thinks, who is he to take my hand
dig my nails into his hand
look deep into my eyes
and tell me he understands?

Those words went through her head like self-harm
she dug her nails deep in her wrist to try and keep herself calm
and the calmness came in through the holes that the blood came out
He didn't even have to lift up his head
to know her green eys were searching and her white teeth were red
as she held her new holes up against her open mouth

The night came on fast and the night came on cold
as the sun lost his breath and the moon took a hold
and when the moon takes hold there's a darkness that follows with
a silence that pushes the hurt around your veins
past the back of your eyes into the front of your brain
and makes you want to dig your nails even deeper in

A train of thought as smooth as a blade across a wrist
and that train left the station high on cocaine and drink
so they fucked for a while until they figured the wine had worn them out
She slept for a while then in the middle of the night
she gathered her few things, wrote him a sweet goodbye
then she punched him hard in the ear and kissed him harder on the mouth

She was thinking, man, it's time to go,
time for me to get away,
time to hit the open road
there's nothing 'round here for me anyway
except for him
and i can learn to love again
there's a hundred more that i could love as much
and a thousand more to love less
and who was he to love me
who was he to take care of me
who was he to sacrifice his own happiness
just to get me a little bit of happy
when i'd have been alright
if i had died
face-down on the bed that night
high on cocaine and wine
but he went and took that knife
and cut holes in hands that should have been mine
then he held them up bleeding to my beating chest
and looked deep into my eyes
and i saw the scars of christ

If I owe you money, get in line...

My hands are worn down by this cage
And there's scars from the bars on my face
I'm trapped inside a debt I just can't pay
Most nights I pass out with my wrists at a blade
And it's bound to come one of these nights
You'll find me 'neath a scrounging pile of creditors and mites
If I owe you money, honey, get in line

She swears there's a baby on the way
And she's telling him it's his
But there's rumours on this whisky-stained night
That she don't even care whose it is
I swear I'll stand by her if it's mine
This might be what I need to get me back in line
If I owe you money, brother, get in line

When I'm out 'neath the stars I feel closer to God
But He ain't listening to me
I'm alright, I'm hard up but I'm fine,
And I know, out there, there are more hard up than me

So I'm sorry for the debts that I've made
For the borrowings I racked up that I promised you I'd pay
For all the times I got evicted and all the times you let me stay
I swear I'll get it back to you just give me a few more days
Mama, you've always been my lifeline
I swear I'll pay you back I just don't have it here this time
If I owe you money, Mama, get in line
It's breaking my heart!
But if I owe you money, Mama, get in line..

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

i'm alright when i'm drunk

there's only so many days i can come home to you
after a long day at work
i'm only working to pay for the things
we both feel you deserve
trouble is, baby, i don't deserve as much
and i know you think i don't deserve them, too
so don't be there when i get home tonight
goodbye, it's been not-too-bad loving you

call me a cruel, unloving bastard for my time
i'll take it all in my unsteady stride
you girls have got a funny way of turning things around
but you don't know how much it tears me up inside
you know you ain't the first
and i know that you ain't the last
hard work and hard women are just so easy to get
the only hard thing's trying to stay attached

so now i'm going in late and i'm going in drunk
anything i can do to get laid off
i ain't needing money if i ain't needing you
i'm alright when i'm poor
i'm alright when i'm drunk

Friday, 5 November 2010

Building-site Train Station

Dinner reservations at the building-site train station, coat the floor with white carnations 'cos I know that they're your favourites and I know you'll wear that dress that has me lapping at your ankles, let the wax dry on your finger that you poured out from the candle, then you tell me things in broken French that kinda sound like secrets then you hit me with the J'adores in a chest-hollowing sequence - "Je voudrais se cramponer a vous pour toujours, pour infinite" - I pretend to not know what you say 'cos you smile more that way.

Diary entries that I'm not allowed to read 'cos there's a little red heart next to me and her feelings described graphically and god-forbid she'd waste her gift of keeping all her feelings hid, letting me in only bit by bit so I never really get the drift. I'll pretend that I don't like this, you'll pretend that you don't love it, I'll pretend to be better than this, you'll pretend to rise above it. It's always hard to tell apart what's going on inside our hearts so coyly lay your highest card, we toast... and we laugh.

In the daytime you're a dreamer, get the sack 'cos you believe it, fall in love but keep it secret 'cos the romance makes it deeper, you want to tell your man you love him and it's gotta be this evening 'cos you're gonna change the world someday and it's tomorrow you're leaving, now you don't want to be too cliche and don't want to embellish so when he tries to make you stay you figure you'll just tell him, "Hey, thank you for the flowers, baby, really. God, I love you. I wish I didn't have to go this is just what I've gotta do. I'll always hold you close to me wherever I go, wear this feather to protect me 'til I die and then my soul will sail across the ocean on the wind just like this feather 'til it finds you and our souls can ride eternal winds forever". Now I feel just like a bow that's had to shoot its favourite arrow which I wish I could plunge through my chest to keep me from tomorrow. The building-site train station starts to get a little cold. Maybe it's the weather or maybe now 'cos we both know. "C'mon... I'll walk you home".

Life's Gonna Fuck You

Billy could bluff a hand like he could eat or sleep
He'd bet big and we'd say, "Billy, man, take it easy"
He'd smile and say, "Don't worry boys, this is a sure thing"
Then he'd lay down his hand, shoot us a wink and he'd take home everything
We found Billy's body in the desert, just body and sand
We knew he was good but never pegged him for a cheating man
But he must have won too big the night before
'Cos there were five aces carved into his skull

See, if you lay down for Life - Life's gonna fuck you
And if you try and stand up and fight- Life's gonna fuck you
You see, fortune don't favour the brave any more than the meek
You ain't got no chance of surviving
But that's still more chance than me

Rosalita tended a bar out on the edge of town
She'd drink tequila with the patrons whenever they'd come around
Everybody knew tequila would make Rosalita loose
Drunk on tequila there ain't nothing Rosalita wouldn't do
One night four men come in with some home-brew tequila
And drove Rosie out into the desert where they had planned to leave her
Now it's been three years since anyone's seen them men around
And Rosalita's still tending bars out on the edge of town

See, if you lay down for Life - Life's gonna fuck you
And if you try and stand up and fight- Life's gonna fuck you
You see, Fortune don't favour the brave any more than the meek
You ain't got no chance of surviving
But that's still more chance than me

Little Blue House

I was born in a little blue house
I was born in a little blue house
'Til my old lady kicked me out
'Til my old lady kicked me out
She said, "Boy, you got some growing-up to do"

I fell in favour with a dirty barkeep
Fell in favour with a dirty barkeep
He gave me food and somewhere to sleep
He gave me food and somewhere to sleep
He said, "Son, stay here all you need"

So I did
Hell, it was free

I fell in love with a little redhead
Fell in love with a little redhead
She broke my heart the day that she said
Broke my heart the day that she said
"Boy, I got some leaving to do"

So I got me a big ol' bag of weed
And got me about a gallon of whisky
From the man who gives me all I need
From the man who gives me all I need
He said, "Son, take something special on me"

So I did
Hell, it was free

I wrapped it in my will and testament
Wrapped it in my will and testament
Which was a brown paper bag and on it, it read
It was a brown paper bag and on it, it said
"If I die - bury me with my boots on -

The cowboys made of rattlesnake hide
The cowboys made of rattlesnake hide
'Cos if I'm getting to heaven from wherever I die
If I'm getting to heaven from wherever I die
I got some walking to do"

Johnny, Come Home...

I never met someone with so much inside himself to fight about
He had one voice saying, "Come in", whilst another one says, "Get out"
He had one voice saying, "Stand up for yourself, man", another one said, "Sit down"
Too many voices for one man to have to drown out

I'm sorry that I hit you, Johnny, and I'm sorry you stabbed me
Doctor says if it happens again, next time he ain't gonna save me
And heaven's already said that it ain't gonna take me
Well, I told God to fuck himself and, oh Johnny, I wish you'd had seen

I know that you're walking right now bow-legged through heaven
In snake-skin boots with a girl on your arm your drug abuse impresses
And wings on your back that you snapped off an angel you robbed
I'd ask you why, but you'd only say "Because"

There's scars on my face and broken bottles 'round this place that still remind me of him
And if he came back through that door right now I'd only tell him to get out again
I got one keg left in this mess that we ain't drunken dry
I'm gonna drink it dry
Like the old times

The Prettiest of Roses

I can see it in her eyes and I can feel it on her skin
She's sweating out the love and everything
She feels just like a paperboy dumping all his rounds
She feels just like a circus without the clowns
And I ain't supposed to know
But she's a blood-trail to a body in the snow

She sits there in my shirt putting too much make-up on
And crying to herself she wipes it off
Then she smiles and I smile too because her mirror won't smile back
But it's a smile any reflection would love to have
And I ain't supposed to know
But her tears are like the voices to her mime-show

She stands up on the bed and swings the light-bulb round and round
Laughing about vinyl dying out
Then eyeing-up my records she says, "Can we smash them, please?"
And waltzing over takes my favourite out its sleeve

When she's here it's like I'm here alone
Staring at streetlights from my window
And I ain't supposed to know
But there's broken records all over the road

The prettiest of roses killed by thorns
Strung-up by her own umbilical chord